Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Book One from My Desk Drawer: Sardines with the Principal

Last year's resolution was to learn technology with a smile.

This year's resolution is to send my little books, stashed away in my desk drawer, out into the world, and post one a month.

"Sardines with the Principal" came about when my son was in third grade at Walter Hill Elementary. He declared one afternoon, "Hey, mom, do you know there are some kids that eat sardines with our Principal every Friday." 
This stuck in my head. The real school is a smallish brick building next to Garbage Mountain :). The teachers have enjoyed working for this Principal for over 30 years. My son had GREAT teachers there. The kind I wished I'd had.

The real sardine-eating Principal was known to slide into Jello or dress as Thing One to raise money for books.
So there is my story.

Your name added to the Principal’s List takes hard work and all A’s.
Your name added to the Principal’s lunch table just takes a lot of stinky fish.

Julian, Lee, Joseph, Tony and Samuel eat sardines with the Principal every Friday at 11:45.

This is not a punishment.

 Unfortunately, the English teacher interrupts Principal Ottley’s delectable
sardines with an earnest message! The school needs to buy books immediately.
Julian has a fine idea.
People would pay to see the Principal slide into a swimming pool of sardine oil.

 However, Julian also thinks it’s a fine idea to cook Faux Gross
in Miranda Van Prokell’s designer shoes.

 Ottley makes enough money for books sliding into a swimming pool of sardine oil.

Nevertheless, Julian is canned for stinky thinking.

 Finally Friday. Unfortunately, the Science teacher interrupts Principal Ottley’s stupendous sardines with an urgent message. The school desperately needs new charts. Lee has an interesting idea. People would pay to slam the Principal with sardine pies.

 However, Lee also thinks it’s an interesting idea to cultivate hot sauce
up his nose to impress the ladies.

 Ottley makes enough money for charts getting slammed with sardine pies.

 Nevertheless, Lee is canned for stinky thinking.

 Yeah, lunch. Unfortunately, the Music teacher interrupts
Principal Ottley’s delicious sardines with an important message! The school
definitely needs the latest sound system. Joseph has a huge idea.
People would pay to dunk the Principal into a tank full of live sardines.

 However, Joseph also thinks it’s a huge idea to wiggle sardine skeletons at the squeamish.

 Ottley makes enough money for the latest sound system getting dunked into a tank full of live sardines.

 Nevertheless, Joseph is canned for stinky thinking.

Friday. Cool cans. Unfortunately, the Gym teacher interrupts Principal Ottley’s wondrous lunch with an urgent message! The school assuredly needs a modern playground. Tony has a grand idea. People would pay to see the Principal dress as Mean Marlene the Sardine Queen with red hot-sauce lipstick.

 However, Tony thinks it’s a grand idea to sing his want-to-be hit - The Sardine Song.

The Sardine Song by Tony
"Sardines! Won’t make you fat like Marlene.
Sardines! Will make you a Mean Machine.
Sardines! Will make you teen and keen.
Sardines! Will make you clean and lean. So try ‘em and buy ‘em today.”

 Ottley makes enough money for the modern playground dressing up as
Mean Marlene the Sardine Queen with red hot-sauce lipstick.

 Nevertheless, Tony is canned for stinky thinking.

 This Friday is a quieter group. Unfortunately, the City Commissioner
interrupts Principal Ottley’s amazing sardines with a crucial message!
The whole school building needs renovation.

 Samuel has a great idea.

 Host a Whale of a Sardine Festival!

 Julian can mix up Faux Gross for a dollar a shoe.

 Lee can sell sinus elixir for a dollar a bottle.

 Joseph can sell sardine skeletons for a dollar a piece.

 Tony can run the karaoke booth for a dollar a song.

 Keep in mind though, Samuel thinks it’s a great idea to  . . . .

Rename the elementary!

(I'd expect Ottley School of Thought gets a lot of Fin Mail)


Dream scenario -  I'd LOVE to see someone like Brian Lies draw this into a big Hardcover Picture Book by an amazing company like Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
I'd speak, sell and sign books at all the country schools, taking photographs.

But, kids, don't bother giving me Sardines. I'm quite squeamish.
Sardine drawings would be nice. 

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Cat Fancy That!

Mimi  sees her brother Celtic Thud'ear "Keith" made the pinnacle of success - the Cover of Cat Fancy Magazine.
Well heck, I look just as good. So what that my ears didn't fold.

What's that woman making such a fuss about. Of course, she's beautiful.

Good gravy, I think that's cousin Nermal and that other menace. You must be kidding me.
What folks find to write about - honestly.

It's just all too much

She's really going to be upset when she sees me make the cover.

And all I gotta do is act naturally.

Ah, well, I've got Naieva to blog and make me famous. The holiday is over - get back to work.